So tell me how… I’ve been trying so hard to get my feelings right with you, and now you’re just giving up so easily.. I told you I’m not good at this whole expressing my feelings thing, but I have been trying so fucking hard.. I’m sorry if it wasn’t fast enough for you.. You said you liked me a few times while I was still fighting with my emotions.. I never once doubted that I did like you.. I just didn’t want to get hurt.. And look at me now.. Hurt..
When I’m ready to be with you and want you to be my boyfriend, (Yes, I just said that.) you’re not.. I feel like you were only in it for the game.. You were trying so hard for me to like you and once I start to admit that to myself, you act like you don’t like me… Nice, way to play the game.. I guess you really did have game.. And then people wonder why I am the way that I am.. I was not looking for a guy to fall for and fought it as long as I could and now I’m hurt..
If only I could have told you how I felt when I first started to feel it.. But you had to have known, you had to of.. The way I looked at you with my eyes.. I know you can read me like an open book.. I can’t and don’t want to believe that this whole thing was an act.. Because if it was you are fucking good.. Speaking of fucking good, that is something you did.. I am going to miss that about you along with the other 22 things that I came up with that I liked about you in like 10 minutes..
I admitted to you that my intentions were only to hang out with you, but things don’t always go according to plan.. It seemed like we were just fine. I was writing my feelings down to tell to you (because you suggested it) And BAM.. Now I can’t even get a phone call or text message from you..
I was going crazy those two days we didn’t text/call each other. I don’t know how you felt and I never will.. I want so bad for you to have some excuse, something, of why these last few days have been hell and we can just put this behind us.. It won’t happen, but I can still hope in all because I am a female..
I like you, I fucking like you, and want you to be my boyfriend..I said it, well typed it.. But I can’t say it to you if we don’t talk.. This is a big step for me.. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I tried the whole snuggling thing with you and wanted to try it again.. I want to like it because I know it’s something that you enjoy. And I want to make you happy..
Honestly, I could have handled a no, but this silence is ridiculous.. I would have been upset, but nothing like I am feeling now. For me to get so wrapped up in someone is out of the norm.. And the same week I relieve this, I get nothing from you.. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to meet your kids right away, I accidentally tried to add your roommate on fb, I took too long to tell you how I felt, I beat around the bush too much, you’re phone is ‘broken’, you’re sick, you’re getting back with your ex-wife or hanging out with your roommate… I can sit here for hours and come up with what I think went wrong, but I will never know.. What fucking ever the reason is, I get nothing but silence..
You said you liked me, and that you don’t hate anyone but yet you leave me with this silence to inflict emotional pain on me.. Nice, real nice.. I just can’t see you being like that.. But I was wrong, but I would love for you to prove me right.. But you were right because you always did like to be..
I am going to miss talking to you on the phone for hours a day and when we weren’t doing that we were texting.. I never thought I would fall for someone as hard and fast as I did for you.. I know you’re not perfect, but I’m not either.. I don’t think you are a loser.. You were my winner, for the time I had you..
I just wish I could remember more.. You know I have a terrible memory.. You would remember everything I told you, even the little things that didn’t matter.. My mind was just so confused and it’s a shame you get out when I’m wanting to go in all in the same week…. It is painful for me to say, but I don’t think I will ever hear from you again.. If you don’t want me around, that’s fine..
But I fucking deserve some fucking closure..